You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
