So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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