There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
