There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
