i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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