i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this boner is exhausting
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
