singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
