There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
