You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
