those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
