the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
