Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
