I am spending my child support on dildos
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
