you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
