Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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