Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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