Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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