I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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