the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
