He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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