Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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