I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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