They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
