Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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