he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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