Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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