its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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