Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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