yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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