She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
