Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
