Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize