naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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