She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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