guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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