I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
