I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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