well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
