Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dignity is for republicans.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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