just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh god it's open bar.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
