Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize