he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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