I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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