her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
