the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
