dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
