so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
