dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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