their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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