Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm always down for nudity.
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