i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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