what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
do herpes really smell.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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