i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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