You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
