According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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