You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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