so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
