you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do vagina's smell?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
