I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
