yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
