Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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