I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
