the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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