It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
