grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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