why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
