i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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