this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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