Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
